If It Were Real

My hands trembled and stopped
Only after I finished writing the letter
That you probably never expected from me.

Sometimes, I think that I should’ve Never written that letter because now
I know that I never want to see you again.

You don’t live far away.
You’re right here and I know that we’ll Surely bump into each other and act awkwardly.

“It’s not your fault. It’s all mine. I should
Be kicking myself for ruining it so early.
I should have waited.”, I say to myself.

It has happened now and it’s not in my
Imagination anymore. I have saved closeness
And affection for some other day.

And for someone else.

It’s perfectly normal to be with myself.
But every night I go to bed,
It takes time for me to close my eyes.

When I read your reply,
I was disappointed – in myself.
Maybe I didn’t do it right.

It didn’t hurt much though.
I’ve seen pain. If it were real, it would’ve pained,
Just like the way it did before.